The Best Beard Puns and Jokes that Really Grow on You

Growing a beard is no funny business but once you have those luscious locks of lovely facial hair then you are free to joke all you want. Beard jokes come and go, just like all hair does, but some jokes are here to stay. Just as some great beards are here to stay.

So without further ado, here is Beard and Company's well-groomed collection of hairy punny beard jokes. Get your beard comb ready and prepare to groan. Here they are in no particular order.

Funny Beard Puns and Jokes

What do you call someone who shaves 50 times a day but still has a beard?
A Barber!

What is something a bearded guy never sees again?
His chin!

What sports team is hated by all beard lovers?
The LA Clippers!

Why did the bearded guy shave only half his face?
He was shaving it for later!

What is a barber's favorite food?
Barber-que!

Why is it the bearded man in jail?
He was sued for hair-assment!

What is the best nut?
A Mustachio!

Why did the balding bearded man shave his head?
He was trying to plan a head!

Where do you find the perfect mustache?
Right under your nose!

What do you say before you shave your beard off?
“Hair goes nothing!”

What musician has the best beard?
Hairy Garcia!

What’s the last thing the barber said to his client before he finished his best cut ever?
“All good things must comb to an end.”

Why are barbers considered superheroes?
They are always there to shave the day!

Why didn’t the man shave his beard?
It grew on him?

Why didn’t the other man shave his beard?
He became attached to it!

Why did the princess choose the bearded prince over the clean-shaven prince?
She wanted a hairy-tale ending!

What did Darth Vader change his name to when he became a stylist?
Darth Braider

Why did the barber replace his old razor?
Because it failed to make the cut!

Why did the astronaut wait until he went into space to grow a beard?
He wanted spacial hair!

Where do barbers put their clippings?
Their shavings account!

My friend and are I in a beard growing competition but we aren’t sure who’s winning.
It’s neck and neck right now!

What do you call an event to buy new razors?
A fund-razor!

Why do bearded guys take a long time to eat their food?
They want to shaver every bite!

Why are lions really good at hunting?
It’s their mane source of income!

What do you call a man who can’t grow a beard?
A boy!

What is a captain’s favorite beard style?
A boat-tee!

What do you call a polite beard?
Well-groomed!

How did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut!

What do doctors and beard have in common?
They both need patience!

What do beards eat for breakfast?
Scruffins!

Do you think you’re funny? Do you have a beard joke to submit?

Send a punny beard joke to us via our Contact Page and we will add it to the list!